What is Divorce Counseling
Divorce counseling with an expert coach such as Dr. Ellis can be helpful when two people have met a stalemate in their relationship. While it is not therapy, it can provide a safe place for you to examine your relationship in a way that focuses on determining the best future configuration of your family. A divorce coach respects that not all problems in a relationship can be fixed and instead works to support the option of separation if that is what is best for all parties.
Divorce counseling has two primary goals. The first is to help you determine whether divorce is your best option in the long term, given your particular set of circumstances. If the decision is ultimately made to end the relationship and undergo divorce, the focus can then shift to how you can go through the divorce process in the most amicable and child centered way possible, both for your sake as well as for the sake of your children.
Divorce counseling provides guidance from a qualified advocate to understand the best outcome for your and your children’s emotional well being.
Signs It May Be Time for a Divorce
Deciding to divorce can be a very difficult decision . There are a lot of signs that it is the right decision to divorce. Staying together “for the sake of the children” is not always in their best interest. It is important to recognize these signs when differentiating between fixable relationship problems and when to walk away:
- There is abuse in the relationship, whether physical, emotional, or mental.
- You’re finding it impossible to communicate with no viable way to overcome it.
- You want completely different things for your future.
- There is a lack of respect in the relationship, or perhaps none at all.
- You have tried every other option to fix your marriage, and it hasn’t worked.
- Your marriage does not have intimacy.
- Feelings of love and affection have faded away.
Why Divorce Counseling is Recommended
First of all, it’s important to look at ways of resolving conflict without immediately jumping to divorce. This is because many relationships hit a series of hurdles, and even problems which seem insurmountable may actually be able to be overcome through marriage counseling.
Seeking professional guidance from someone who can provide a subjective outlook on your situation may provide a new viewpoint that you and your spouse sorely need.
That being said, pre-divorce counseling aimed at helping you make the very important decisions about the viability of your marriage is not the only time such support can be helpful. Post-divorce counseling is also recommended for those who have chosen to divorce and are now looking at the most amicable way to do so through the support and guidance of a competent, experienced professional.
Why Divorce Counseling is Important When Children are Involved
The decision to divorce becomes even more difficult and painful when children are involved. Many people may even choose to stay together just for the sake of the children because they are worried a divorce will negatively impact their children’s emotional health.
Divorce counseling is highly recommended when children need to be taken into account for several reasons:
- If the marriage is salvageable, then divorce coaching may help you to fix your problems without divorce being needed – in which case, your children can be saved from the needless emotional damage of a separation that could have been avoided.
- Divorce counseling can provide you with expert tips regarding how to navigate a divorce around young children in ways to best protect them from needless damage and learn compassionate techniques to support everyone through this difficult time.
- Divorce counseling can help you as parents understand how a divorce can impact children of different ages and the emotional and legal options for protecting them as you go through the divorce process.
What Can I Expect from This Service if I Decide to Divorce?
If the decision is made to pursue a divorce, Dr. Ellis will help you to:
Guidance on Divorcing a Narcissist
A narcissist finds it very difficult, or often impossible, to accept fault. This means that, when it comes to the breakdown of a relationship, they will refuse to accept failure on their part. A divorce may be perceived by them as a failure which means a narcissist will not be so quick to suggest this as an option.. Many people in relationships with narcissists will find that their partner refuses to change their behavior and refuses to leave the relationship.
Narcissists will often push you away or become even more angry and manipulative during the breakdown of a relationship, which leaves many spouses making the decision themselves to divorce. The narcissist can then use this as extra ammo to blame you for the failure of the relationship and say that you are the one who made the decision to divorce, even if their own behavior led to this outcome.
Because one of the key traits of narcissistic behavior is an over-inflated idea of self-importance, the subject of a divorce becoming a reality will leave them convincing themselves – and others – that they didn’t do anything wrong, and the decision to divorce lies with you.
With narcissistic personality disorder, your spouse’s reaction can go through many different emotions. A narcissistic spouse may, at first, make many big and bold claims about what they would do to fix the relationship or be very quick to try and win you back. This is because narcissists excel in manipulation and love-bombing – where they show excess affection to win you over, and then change their behavior back to negative once you decide to remain with them.
When these efforts do not work, and a divorce is final, they may then become even more aggressive, abusive, and angry. They may bad-mouth you to everybody, make it clear that you are to blame for the divorce, and may even continue a cycle of abuse by trying to contact you. Understandably, this is very dangerous behavior for a child involved in the divorce of a narcissist, which is why divorce counseling is essential to learn how to handle this situation. It is vital for protecting yourself and your children from further emotional harm.
Why Dr Ellis Should Be Your First Choice for Divorce Counseling
Many of the divorce coaches that you will find online boast that their sole credential is that they are previously divorced, and their expressed goal is to share all that learned “expertise” with you.
In contrast, Dr. Ellis will share with you the most important lessons that she has learned throughout her thirty years of clinical and Collaborative Divorce practice. As a divorce coaching expert and child of divorce herself, she has personally felt the negative impact that parental mistakes can have on children during a divorce and beyond. She is passionate about helping you avoid those mistakes to protect your children from unnecessary emotional harm and narcissistic behavior.
Dr. Ellis will compassionately and expertly guide you through this life-altering decision process so that it is made clearly and thoughtfully. She will help you determine whether the marriage is salvageable and whether you have done everything possible to save it, especially if children are involved.